Adoption Decision

We want to share some of our heart motivation behind our decision...

For quite some time now, Chris and I have been desiring to have a child, but have had months and months  of disappointment.  Throughout the process, we've been physically and emotionally drained, and would be lying if we were to say that it hasn't affected either one of us or that we haven't grieved throughout this time (we've definitely shed many tears!!) We found ourselves asking soul-searching questions. Why would God not want us to have our own children? What would be our life purpose if I couldn't be a mother or Chris, a father?  How was He going to use us if we weren't parents?  

Yet, even during our lowest moments, we clung to "hope" in God's promises.  In Jeremiah 29:11, it states, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ".  We have been encouraged knowing that even though our prayers were not answered in the manner we so desperately wanted... they were being answered! We just couldn't see it.  Not until the cloud of dust had cleared away, and God opened our hearts to a new direction.  

Chris and I talked a year ago about the possibility of adoption, but we kept putting it off until we could try different avenues to get pregnant.  Our friends recommended a book called Adopted for Life by Russell Moore, which we bought and kept unread on our nightstand for months and months. Until FINALLY, one day we picked it up and made the decision to read it.  And WOW, was it life-changing!  

In the very first chapter, Russell Moore spoke about how this book is for those who "keep their adoption application papers in a pile as a 'last resort'"  or for those who have said "I don't mind adopting a few years down the road, but I want my first child to be mine!"  Wow - this was convicting, as these were our very same thoughts.  Adoption had certainly crossed our mind, but only after we tried to get pregnant first.

Russell Moore painted an eye-opening picture of adoption, which broke our hearts.  He explained his story of adopting two boys from Russia, providing a dismal picture of the boys' orphanage being a dark and eerily quiet place, with young boys lying in cribs, in their own waste.  He shared this depressing scene that every day after visiting his boys, they would leave the orphanage in the same manner - total silence! Sadly, the orphans had gotten used to the lack of not ever being held or having anyone come to comfort them when they cried.  But on their last day before returning home to wait for the adoption to become final, Russell describes this incredible moment...

              After hugging and kissing them, we walked out into the quiet hallway as Maria     
              shook with tears.

              And that's when we heard the scream.

              Little Maxim fell back in his crib and let out a guttural yell. It seemed he knew, 
              maybe for the first time, that he would be heard. On some primal level, he knew he  
              had a father and mother now. I will never forget how the hairs on my arms stood 
              up as I heard the yell. I was struck, maybe for the first time, by the force of the 
             "Abba" cry passages in the New Testament, ones I had memorized in Vacation 
             Bible School. And I was surprised by how little I had gotten it until now. 

When we cry out "Abba, father!", God hears us.  He comes to us.  He cares for us. He loves us unconditionally.  Adoption is a reflection of what God has done for us...He's "adopted" us into his kingdom, as his children, even through our muck and sinfulness, He loves us.  Yes, He loves us!  "He has chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world..." - Ephesians 1:4  

So - why are we adopting?  

We can truly say that God has changed our heart's desire! Bottom line!  We have prayed long and hard about this decision and KNOW without a doubt that this is how our family is meant to start.  We are wholeheartedly committed to adopting and are overwhelmed with joy to give a child the opportunity to feel the love of a father and a mother, to have someone hear their cries. 

April & Chris