Hey we are an hour away from meeting our boys...but wanted to post our thoughts from our trip. We arrive late last night around 1:00am. We had the worst time getting internet access even at JFK so I am posting our blog from yesterday. Please pray for our meeting with the kids today.
Yesterday's post:
Praises
- Left Thursday for Alexandria to update our USCIS fingerprints – and we were able to get in and out in an hour with no problems.
- Went to Target to get last minute items and ran into Leslie Scally, my coworker and friend – what a blessing from God to have someone familiar especially when we are embarking in something so unfamiliar.
- Slept at Lynn & Rob Dow’s house (Christa’s parents) – Rob took good care of us! Thanks so much!
- Left Dulles at 12:00 – arrived in JFK at 2:00
- Left JFK at 5:15 – arrived safely in Belgium at 6:40 am.
-Left Belgium at 11:35 - arrived in Kigali for a quick layover, and then Entebbe by 11:00pm.
I woke up this morning in a panic that I had overslept, only to realize that I still had 20 minutes before my alarm was to go off. I laid in bed and began to feel overwhelmed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the last morning in the U.S. that my life would be so called “normal”. For anyone that knows me, I hate “change”. Yeah, I know. You are probably thinking that if I hate change so much why in the world would we be adopting from Uganda, and two older boys no less. Chris loves change and is always pushing me to embrace it. But I have to be nudged along and even then, will go kicking and screaming. This is a huge “change”, and to me, one that I am fearful of. It’s the unknown that paralyzes my inner being. Yet, if I think rationally, I know that every time I have experienced change, I have grown and been stretched beyond what I thought I could do.
Before I even got out of bed, I reached for my phone and opened my bible app…this was the verse of the day…
“why are you cast down, o my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. “ (Psalm 42:11)
Ahhh…that gave me the extra dose of hope I needed this morning. I know that God is doing a work in me at this very moment, as I wait, as I anticipate.
When I reflect on how difficult this feels to me, I think about our boys and what they may be feeling, and my emotions pale in comparison. I wonder how hard it is going to be for them throughout this transition. My heart is already breaking for their grief and loss, and through all we’ve heard and learned, we know that there is a grieving stage in this process – a necessary one, which will hopefully lead to healing. My heart already aches to heal and bind up their wounds and I haven’t even met them yet. I guess these are the emotions of a soon-to-be-mother. And as I reflect, I realize that this is what Jesus felt when he gave up his life to wipe away our transgressions. Our God yearned to bind up our wounds.
we can’t do this on our own strength, but with God filling us with courage and endurance.
I’ve shared that throughout this process, God has been placing the word “endure” on my heart. There is so much unknown ahead, but I’m trusting that no matter what, if we endure, if we push on, if we don’t give up, that God will bless us more than we know.
I feel so vulnerable and yet so guarded. I’ve been telling people throughout this process that there are no guarantees in this process, that there is still a chance that we may not come home with the boys. Perhaps I’ve done this to protect my own heart. I told Chris that I’ve realized that in trying to go forward in this adoption with “eyes wide open”, that I have built a castle around my heart…but that is all from fear – fear that is not from God, but from Satan. So as I pray through this fear, I feel God’s presence, I feel His peace. I know he is with Chris and I. I know that he will see this through.
As a dear friend said to me the other day…
God only gives us a footlight at times, not always a floodlight.
We may not know what the next few steps are going to be like, but just as our blog title reads, we are jumping in FEET FIRST, knowing that our Lord will see us through. We know the road ahead will still have bumps – we know that there may be obstacles, but just like our pastor Dan Magan prayed, we ask that God will move all obstacles to the side so we don’t have to jump over them.
We feel your prayers.
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